Wallabies Are Stinkers!

I know! I know! I know what you're thinking, and yes I'm not that innocent either. Sometimes I like playing fetch with a dog... with a boomerang... I'm sorry okay? Just funny hearing the dog say "I keep trying to fetch but it keeps fetching itself!"

Okay, that's a joke but it's still true wallabies are stinkers! I even know this from personal experience. I worked at some animal jobs before from farm work, to doing some work at a reptile store, but I was finally hired for the first zoo job I ever had. I was excited but since I was a stupid kid at the time excited about my new job I made a stupid choice. I was being trained and my trainer decided to ask me a question "Hey can you do me a favor and go to the wallaby and kangaroo shed and shoo them out so the guest can see them?" In my head I was thinking sure, I have absolutely no zoo animal experience or education to do a job like that unsupervised, and Kangaroos only have the kick force of up to 850 pounds per square inch, what can go wrong?! We'll be in there playing patty cake! He'll be playing with his feet and I'll be playing with my face! I just love taking the risk of looking like Sloth from The Goonies! Well, it was my first zoo job, I didn't wanna disappoint and I was a dumb kid so I didn't say any of that. I just happily agreed. So I walked into the shed looking around at the kangaroos and wallabies then said "Hey You GUUUUYS! Come on let's go outside!" Everything was going well and all of them were going outside really well without any hustle, but this one wallaby was staring at me like I stare at pizza, he's staring me down like he took inspiration from pro wrestling like Mike Tyson took inspiration from Van Gogh. Again like a stupid kid, I go up to him and say "Go on buddy go out there with your friends." That is when this wallaby decides to jump in the air and drop kick me like Jake The Wallaby Roberts sending me right on my back, and knocking the air out of me. That's when the trainer runs in saying "Oh my gosh are you okay?!" Of course, I replied with "I don't know whether to breathe in or breathe out." After making sure I was fine and my breath was just knocked out of me that's when he decided to tell me "Yeah I should have told you I've been having a problem with him kicking lately" That is when he asked me why I sounded like an angry Porky Pig.

Look I thought it was just me I thought something about me wallabies hated but after looking at wallabies a little further that's not the case! They are little stinkers and doing a little research I am now having nightmares! Some people think an attacking wallaby is a cute thing wearing boxing gloves dancing to the eye of the tiger but that's not true at all! They ain't punching. They have sharp claws they will use when defending themselves that could cut you! They also have a powerful kick, and can bite you too! Wallabies are gangsters which makes total sense since a group of wallabies is called a herd, a pack, a troop, or a mob.... A Mob?! My gosh, they're mafia members now?! They'll look at you and say "Say hello to my little friend!" And hit you with their tail because I guess they use that as a weapon too! You would think I could escape in my nightmares but I can't. Some wallabies can go at a max speed of 29 miles per hour while using hopping as their main moving source. Some Wallabies like the Brush-tailed rock wallabies can climb trees, some can crawl, and swim and some pet wallabies even learned the ability to open doors. They can't be escaped! I am apparently not the only person who has had issues with wallabies in the past either. They have escaped from zoos a really good amount of times, even escaping more than once to colonize areas they're not from, in places such as the UK, Isle Of Man, and even Hawaii! Look I don't know how they're doing it they might be digging a hole in the wall with a spoon while hiding it with a poster of Kangaroo Jack, I don't know but I know they're escaping somehow!

Then to make things weird Wallabies are creating straight-up conspiracy theories scaring the public! As in 2009, some crop circles appeared in a field in Tasmania. Well, it turned out the field was a legally grown opium poppy field that wallabies were eating out of and getting more stoned than the statue of David! After getting all nice and toasty they began hopping in circles making the crop circles. No wonder they were making crop circles they thought they were on a spaceship! Those poor wallabies were walking in circles sounding like stich. "Ohana means I'm dizzy"

To make matters even worse kangaroos might just be as bad as wallabies. There are 30 to 50 million kangaroos in Australia while there are only around 2.67 million people... There are more kangaroos than people! It's a freaking invasion! Okay! Okay! Put down your pitchforks! No need to feed me laxative cookies! I was joking! I do love wallabies. To me, they're adorable deer bunnies and there are some really cool things about them that make them even cooler. Some wallabies can jump up to 6 feet in the air, which would actually make them pretty cool pro wrestlers like Jake The Wallaby Roberts, and they have a really cool history in Australian Aboriginal mythology as well! Becoming a huge spiritual importance. Such as the black wallaroos, which are said to be pets of Nakidjkidj spirits. When there is a chance an animal can look at me and say "I see dead people!" I see that as a cool critter. So don't take my jokes too seriously because by the end of the day. I think they're pretty awesome and I love them to death.

Thanks For Reading.

-Wolfy